Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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