the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
