dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
