Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
