bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I did not marry a roomba.
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