You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize