His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
