dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
