i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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