just tell him i said nine months
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
