Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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