When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
