Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
