He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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