just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
