Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
