ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
