yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
