Do you still have your period?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
