Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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