May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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