I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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