I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
