True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
