she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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