Define "chronic" masturbator.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
