you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
