thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
