I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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