he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
