just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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