Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
