i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
