Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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