Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
