By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
did you just send me my own nude
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
