So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
