This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
