The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
