My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
