Sry I called you an 8
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I smell like Dick and happiness
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize