i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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