The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
