I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
