we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
