I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
