Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize