Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
