I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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