it was like his penis was on wheels.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
