I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize