the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
