he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
sick fucks of a feather flock together
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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