During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
