just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
