I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
