Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
