Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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