we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
