My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
