The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
