Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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