there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
