it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
