Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
