3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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