even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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