I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
