I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
