Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
