It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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