SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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